Policemales and Policefemales

More and more, as I watch my local news, I hear local police referring to people as males and females instead of men and women, and I don't know why. Is The suspect is a black male in his thirties somehow less racist-sounding than The suspect is a black man in his thirties? Perhaps they think that if they use such scientific jargon, they will appear more clinical and disinterested?

That now makes me wonder how long male and female have been used as nouns. I expect them more often to appear as adjectives, which means that these news reports leave me hanging. "Police tazered a thirty-year-old male who refused to comply with police orders." A 30-year-old male what, exactly? Of course, it's clear that they mean a "male human," otherwise known as a "man," but a dropped noun could easily make the story more interesting and laughable.

"Police today were forced to tazer a 30-year-old cheddar wheel who refused to comply with police orders. The cheese was then taken to a local hospital where it was tested for drugs and subsequently digested by the nursing staff."

The Boy Who Lived through the Wait

THERE ARE NO SPOILERS HERE.

My quick story about good luck getting my copy of The Deathly Hallows: I had reserved a copy at the local Border's. After work on Friday (following the directions in the e-mail I got from Border's), I drove to Border's to pick up the bracelet that would "secure my place in line." I was asked to choose a house. I figured that most people would choose either Gryffindor or Slytherin, so I took Ravenclaw, which was neon orange.

Cut to later that night. My family went to an Indians game (where I finally got to see the Indians win!). I didn't get home until 11:30. I changed clothes and went back to Border's. I missed all of the "Hallow's Ball" stuff, but I found someone there I work with. He told me that they had already called orange -- they were using wrist band colors to put people in line. (They were numbered, too, which I didn't realize until then.) So I got there at about 11:45, went straight into the building, and discovered that orange was indeed the first group. I found the last orange bracelet in line and got behind him.

I was in the first 100 people to get the book at this store. I was out of there by 12:15. There were some people who showed up around 9pm and waited three to four hours; I was in and out in half an hour.

I might as well have taken some Felix Felicis during lunch.

I started reading when I got home and read until 2:30 am. I finished the book at 10:50 that night. I'm still letting it settle before I write about it.

For some Harry Potter fun (with no spoilers), check out "The Mysterious Ticking Noise" at YouTube, and some of the other movies by the Potter Puppet Pals.

Order of the Phoenix

Saw the latest Harry Potter movie tonight. Not much really to say about it except that it's the best one yet. Daniel Radcliffe is really coming into his own as an actor. I don't think the movie version of Deathly Hallows will be the last we see of him.

They had to cut a lot from the book to get the movie to the "right" size. And I wonder (worry, even?) about some of the choices they made. Is JK Rowling in on the screenwriting? It seems too easy for the screenwriters to cut some little thing that could turn out to be more important than originally thought two or three novels later. For instance, they never mentioned that Trelawney was the one who had the prophecy.

But I don't want to give any spoilers...

Anyway, I'm still iffy on the girl they got to play Luna Lovegood. She certainly had that unshakeable (or oblivious) self-confidence and lack of fear that makes Luna such a outcast character, but the actress, Evanna Lynch, might have overdone the "space case" mannerisms a bit too much. I got the idea that Luna was always on a heavy sedative.

But, still, I'm ready to see the movie again.

Perfect Square

Without going into why I was doing so, today I had the "opportunity" to answer the question, "What is the square root of 523,457?" And I learned some mathematical truths by trying to answer this question.

I began be trying to factor it down to prime numbers -- but that left me with 11 x 23 x 2069. Then I tried factoring down an approximation of the original number, in this case, 523,456 = 8 x 8 x 8179. 8,179 is a prime number.

I finally came at it from the answer instead of the question, homing in on the answer I needed. The quick version is as follows, with the square root of 523,457 represented as x:
700 < x < 800
720 < x < 730
723 < x < 724
Anyway, the point of going on about this isn't to figure out the square root of this odd number, but to share something I discovered (for myself, not for the mathematical world at large, which surely has already figured this out). The original number, 523,457, is obviously not a perfect square because perfect squares never end in 7. I'd never realized the ban on sevens before, but it makes sense when you consider how you multiply multi-digit numbers.

Looking into this further, I realized that perfect squares always have to end in 0, 1, 4, 5, 6, or 9. I discovered this by squaring each of the first 10 numbers.

But I also discovered a pattern that I hadn't noticed before. Looking just at the last digit, if you start to list the perfect squares in order, those final digits follow the pattern 0, 1, 4, 9, 6, 5, 6, 9, 4, 1, 0, ... I find not only the existence of the pattern intriguing, but also the fact that it's a symmetrical pattern with an intervening zero.

There's also a pattern to the rest of the perfect squares. If you drop the final digit of each perfect square, there is a stepwise addition pattern that shifts up whenever you reach a perfect square that ends with a 9. You'll have to look at it yourelf, but basically, you start at 0. When you hit 9, you start adding 1 to get each of the next perfect squares. When you hit the next perfect square that ends in 9 (49), then you start adding 2 to get the first digit of each number.

I know, most people will just think "so what?" But for me, I get a great feeling from discovering a truth for myself. I also love logic puzzles, and this is something of that sort. Now that I've figured this out, I'll have to try to find the underlying logic of the decimal system that makes this so. And I'll have to see if there is a similar pattern for perfect cubes.

My New Baby

My first new new car. . . albeit a lease.

Deathly Hallows Predictions

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is on the near horizon. People have been throwing up ideas and possibilities and predictions about the ending to this great series of books for a long time — no reason I shouldn't toss my sorting hat into the ring as well. I have a few predictions for Deathly Hallows:

Minor predictions:

1. Mr. Ollivander will make an appearance. If you remember, he disappeared without any sign of struggle in The Half-Blood Prince. Voldemort will want to know as much as he can about how to defeat Harry, and considering what happened at the end of Goblet of Fire, he'll need to know more about Harry's wand. And why not go to the source? Mr. Ollivander, after all, created (or at least sold) both Voldemort's and Harry's wands.

2. Hagrid's brother Grawp will die, most likely trying to save Hagrid (or, perhaps, vice versa). Keeping Grawp around really serves no other purpose that I can see. (If this were Star Trek, he would be listed in the credits as "Away-Mission Giant.") With Rowling's focus on the value of being able to love, it isn't much of a stretch to imagine Hagrid's attempts to "civilize" Grawp leading Grawp to love and want to protect his brother.

3. One of the Dursleys will do something surprisingly brave for Harry. It'll likely be either Dudley or Petunia.

4. At some point in the novel, we will be led to believe that either Ron or Hermione is dead (or both), but that won't really be the case.

5. Viktor Krum will make a return appearance. I don't know what purpose he will serve — likely something to do with Karkaroff — but I think he'll be back, if only to make Ron self-conscious.

6. Neville will shine through. He may even sacrifice himself (or nearly so) to save his grandmother, which will make her completely rethink her disappointment in him. (If Rowling outlines the "happily ever after" that follows Voldemort's death, Neville will go back to teach Herbology at Hogwarts.

Major predictions — how it will end:

Through the first six novels, Harry was always being protected by the ones who loved him — his parents, Sirius Black, Dumbledore, Hagrid, Mr. & Mrs. Weasley. When the sixth novel ended, his protectors — including the spells that protected him while he lived with the Dursleys — were dying away (I sure hope Mrs. Weasley knows how to cast a good Shield spell), leaving Harry to stand alone against Voldemort.

Dumbledore stated outright that Harry's greatest power is his ability to love. He has also shown how Harry has been protected by the love of others. I think these two ideas will come together in the final chapters of The Deathly Hallows like this:

Voldemort wants Harry Potter for himself, as stated by Snape at the end of The Half-Blood Prince. He won't, then, simply want to kill Harry. There will be no Avara Kedavra cast at Harry. No, Voldemort will want to use the Cruciatus curse to torture Harry to death. At some point, Ginny Weasley, whom Harry loves, will come under direct assault by Voldemort. Without even considering his own life (for that is the nature of love, right?), Harry will come between Ginny and Voldemort and take the brunt of the curse. Ginny will be knocked unconscious.

Now, Voldemort unexpectedly has Harry Potter under his wand and helpless. Out comes the Cruciatus curse. The ending will mirror the final Death Star scenes in Return of the Jedi: Harry (Luke Skywalker) writhes on the ground under the effects of Voldemort's (Emperor Palpatine) power. Snape (Darth Vader) will then cast the final blow that kills Voldemort.

That's right — I predict that SNAPE will kill Voldemort. He may die in the process, but not before revealing why he had to kill Dumbledore and telling us that it was all part of Dumbledore's plan to defeat Voldemort.

Other completely different possibilities that I considered:

Grawp learns, if nothing else, love. But then Voldemort (or his lackeys) kills Hagrid. Grawp, in a sad rage, attacks Voldemort or takes out a whole bunch of Death Eaters, evening the odds in Harry's favor.

Snape will use Polyjuice Potion to "impersonate" Voldemort (which will be difficult, considering Voldemort doesn't have any hair to put in the potion) and disrupt Death Eater tactics and Voldemort's ultimate plan.

Comments welcome. Any bits of info I missed?

Fireworks

Friday night after an Indianapolis Indians game, I discovered what neat kinds of things one can do with a camera and a fireworks display. Here are my favorites:

It Came to Me in a Dream

It came to me in a dream, out of my own (dream) mouth, even:

To God, people are like feet: They're useful, but they stink.

That was one wacky dream.

Musical Premiere

On Sunday, April 22, members of the Indiana Wind Symphony premiered my clarinet sextet "Channel Surfing at Six" at John Knox Presbyterian Church.

The sanctuary was hot that night. I don't know why. It was gorgeous outside, and the rest of the church was comfortable, but it was probably over 80 degrees in the sanctuary.

The public performance didn't go quite as well as the final rehearsal had, but it had its moments. If nothing else, this was a learning experience. What did I learn? Don't write in sharps. Also, it's another thing I've accomplished.

So what's next for Andyman, Composer? When the IWS breaks for summer, I'm going to try to find the time to work on a full-band piece that I've been tossing around in my head for a while. It's a piece that's based on Dr. Seuss's The Lorax, and that's probably what I'll call it. I want to make it so that a band has the option of actually inclusing a reading of the whole book during the piece...but I don't remember exactly how long the book is. I don't have a copy of it right now, but I plan to get one soon.

But for now, I will just bask in the afterglow of my musical accomplishment. At least I would if my gastric system wouldn't keep kicking me in the colon.

God, Sex, and Silverware

Something new I learned recently.

Oneida, the company that makes nice silverware, began its life as a utopian society in Oneida, New York, in 1848. Founded by John Humphrey Noyes, this religious and social society was based on the ideal of Perfectionism, a form of Christianity with two basic values: self-perfection and communalism. The community worked together to make all sorts of commercial goods, and apparently made some fine bear traps. Eventually, they moved into silversmithing and thence to the Oneida Ltd. of today.

That’s what you can get from the Oneida
web site. From the Oneida Community Mansion House Web page, you can discover that the Oneida community considered itself “a society that lived as one family with more than 300 members.” Furthermore, the society was disbanded in 1881 because of “pressures from within and without.” Both Web sites conveniently gloss over the whole truth, which is much more interesting than silverware and a 93,000-square-foot brick mansion.

The Oneida society had a few good ideas. For example, men and women had equality and equal voice in the community government — this during a time when black slaves were still considered property instead of people. Men and women were equal in the work force, too: they had a community nursery that allowed both men and women to work.

But they had a few ideas that are as radical now as they were then, specifically complex marriage, male continence, ascending fellowship, and stirpiculture.

Complex marriage. In the Oneida society, every man was married to every woman, and vice versa. Community members were not allowed to have exclusive romantic relationships. Every person in the community had his or her own bedroom. This sounds like a lovely little happy arrangement, but let me frame it in a different way: Because of complex marriage, nearly every adult had continuous sexual access to a partner. You might think that this would lead to all sorts of unregulated in-breeding, but wait . . .

Male continence. The men of the community were encouraged, as a sign of grace, to avoid orgasm. This kept unplanned pregnancies to a minimum. It all came down to muscle control. And how did men learn this muscle control? Younger men just entering puberty were allowed to have sex only with women who were too old to bear children, and these older women would help teach the young ‘uns some control.

Does this not sound like a great deal for the women? Because men avoided orgasm, sexual encounters could last for over an hour. And as women got older, they were encouraged to have sex with strapping young boys, all in the name of God! But the women weren’t the only ones to benefit sexually...

Ascending fellowship. J.H. Noyes believed that sex had not only biological, but spiritual and social purposes as well. The Oneidans believed that older people were spiritually superior to younger people, and that men were spiritually superior to women. (So much for equality, eh? But this society was, after all, created by a man.) To improve oneself, one should have sex only with someone who is spiritually superior, i.e., older. This is “ascending fellowship.” Once a person reached a certain level (usually determined by Noyes and his inner circle), he or she was then to practice “descending fellowship” by having sex with the younger folk.

Stirpiculture. Stirpiculture wasn’t one of the original tenets of the community, but was introduced in 1869. It was a selective breeding program to produce “more perfect” children. People who wanted to have children would come before a special committee, which would pair people up based on spiritual and moral qualities. This resulted in 58 children, 9 of whom were fathered by Noyes himself.

The “pressures from within and without” that caused the community’s breakup in 1881 — which the previously mentioned Web sites so quickly glossed over — was a product of two events. First, J.H. Noyes tried to pass leadership on to his son (which never works, does it?). The younger Noyes was an atheist and a weak leader. Second, a warrant was issued against J.H. Noyes for statutory rape. Noyes was tipped off and fled to Canada.

This reminds me of the episode of Numb3rs called “Nine Wives,” which involved, among other things, an in-breeding chart sewn into a quilt. Although life in the Oneida community most likely wasn’t nearly as oppressive or, frankly, scary as what was portrayed in Numb3rs, I’d bet good money that the shows writers started with Oneida as a skeleton.